it’s funny to think about my life and how my views on the future have changed. I had so many goals, so many thing I wanted to achieve in my life and I was determined to meet each and every one. I was happy, optimistic, and overall a very positive person and confident my future would be bright.

now I think about it today and i have a completely different outlook. nowadays I go through life hoping i have a future. hoping i dont destroy everything, hoping i stay, hoping i don’t disappoint anymore people. i don’t know what in my life has caused this shift, but i know it has changed me forever. 

I distance myself from people, i can’t even explain my past to people who have similar experiences. I don’t know why but i feel the need to make myself stronger by not sharing or getting outside help. i dont want to be like this anymore but i don’t know how to change.